Well...
Hi.
I'm Joseph Labrador Hunter, and you're dead wrong if you think you can handle my story. In the words of my old pal, Lemony Snicket, "If you are interested in stories with happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book," or going to some other massage parlor. My story isn't one of happiness.
It has a sad beginning...
In the middle, there's a lot of violent, sad things that happen...
And at the end, well, that's the saddest part.
I'm not a hero. I'm not a wizard. I'm not Superman with a wand. If you're looking for light-hearted fun, go sniff up someone else's magical staff.
Grab your favorite drink. You'll need it if you ever want to forget this story.